Constant Vigilance

  The day after our doctor’s appointment, we received results from my initial blood work. My progesterone levels were at 10.9, and my doctor had said they should be at least at 11. Again, since it had been drilled into me in the past from my previous doctor that my low progesterone could potentially cause miscarriage, I contacted my doctor.

Because I was high risk, she had given me her cell phone number so I could contact her at any time with questions or issues. Even though it was a Saturday, I decided to text her and ask about putting me on progesterone ASAP. She was not as familiar with the practice as my previous doctor, but she’s open-minded and loves to learn things, so she told me she would look into it. After spending her Saturday afternoon reading up on it and reaching out to more experienced OBs, she came up with a prescription for me. She admitted that the information she found did not reveal convincing evidence that it would help, but she was confident that it certainly wouldn’t hurt.

[I was so glad that I took that pro-active step, and that my doctor was so willing to look into a treatment option that she was not familiar with. I knew that she wouldn’t prescribe it to me if she truly didn’t believe in it, which I also respected. I’ve heard so many stories about women being talked down to by their doctors, or written off for various concerns. I am here to tell you that good doctors who care about your health do exist, and they are worth searching for. We should never be afraid to bring up a concern or ask a question that might seem stupid. If your doctor makes you feel uncomfortable, talks down to you, or never seems to really hear what you have to say, find another one. You deserve to be treated well and fairly. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.]

So we went along, me feeling relieved that though I couldn’t do much for my baby other than stay alive and attempt to stay healthy, I was able to advocate for myself and take the progesterone that had at least a chance of assisting in maintaining my pregnancy. We began our weekly ultrasounds, and every time, my anxiety would build up like crazy. I had moments of peace, and moments of going out of my mind with worry that we would show up to our next ultrasound and there would be no heart beat. Then I would pray and find some peace and a giddiness that frightened me. Hello, mood swings.

Despite my worries, the ultrasounds continued to show that our baby was growing at exactly the rate it should be. The heart beat was always strong, and by week 8 (week 6 was when the bleeding had begun) the hemorrhage had completely disappeared. It was also encouraging and very cool to see our baby’s progress week by week. We knew that our situation wasn’t ideal, but we chose to look at the bright side that we got to sneak a peek at our little one so often.

Now, even though the hemorrhage had cleared up, and I hadn’t had any bright red blood since that scary week 6, I had some sort of dark red, brown, or black spotting or discharge every single day. It was always worse when I was at work (just from moving around so much and being on my feet constantly) and in the days following an ultrasound. (Up to about week 11 or 12, most ultrasounds are transvaginal, which is invasive and irritates the cervix, causing discharge like this to be somewhat normal, or at least not a cause for alarm.)

I learned that some bleeding in the first 12 weeks occurs in about 20% of pregnancies. There are different types of bleeding to look out for. Bright red bleeding means it’s fresh, which is often more concerning. The dark red/brown/black stuff that I experienced was believed to be old blood working its way out of my system. Not pleasant, but not worrisome. I was told to keep an eye out for bright red blood, and that if bleeding was heavy enough to fill two pads in an hour, or if I passed anything resembling actual tissue, I would need to call the doctor immediately or get to the ER. 

I was constantly vigilant, over-analyzing everything every time I went to the bathroom (which was many times a day), and anxiously awaiting our visit with the perinatal specialist, which occurred on week 10. My husband was set to fly out for a business trip that afternoon, and we had already agreed that if the news was concerning in any way, that he would stay back from his trip. At the time, I had only had a brief moment of red spotting about ten days before, but it had followed an ultrasound, so I wasn’t overly concerned about it.

The appointment went really well. So well, in fact, that the doctor told us she didn’t believe that I had a septate uterus after all, that it was just bicornuate, which was less concerning, and that she thought we were out of the woods and our risk was minimal. Because of my bicornuate uterus, they would continue ultrasounds every four weeks or so. 

We left the office feeling amazingly relieved and so happy. I didn’t want my husband to go on his trip so we could revel in our relief, but we both knew it would be good for him to go. He got on a plane that afternoon, and we shared the good news with our families, feeling like finally we were ready to experience a “normal” pregnancy. 

The next day, when I was at work and my husband was almost 1,000 miles away, I started having another light flow of bright red blood.